Mixed Feelings: Summer 2021

The lifting of Lockdown is the moment we've all been waiting for... so why am I feeling all mixed up inside about it? Leah talks us through her thoughts and feeling in her new piece.

I think if you scroll through my liked tweets right now it would paint a pretty accurate portrait of how I’m feeling at the moment. 50% are about Hot Girl Summer 2.0, skin out, bring back bottomless brunches and a whole manner of claims of supposed summer antics. The other 50% are from my anxious babes concerned about everything from adapting to socialising in big groups again, to the first time we accidentally say ‘you too’ when our waiter tells us to ‘enjoy your meal.’

As much as I want to launch in to a full blown brand overhaul for Summer 2021 and ‘rona permitting live my best life, which includes and is not limited to: festivals, raves, dances, clubs, bars, restaurants and cafes. Lockdown has become strangely comfortable. Like, memory foam mattress moulding around the body to soothe aches, pains and ailments comfortable. As you may or may not know I am a creature of habit, I love me a good routine. So the impending upheaval of my current routine makes me feel a tad nervous, just a tiny little micro pinch of concern.

That is not to say there is anything particularly riveting or groundbreaking about my routine. I just potter through the week, get work done, weep on the sofa at a couple of episodes of This Is Us, jump around to a few home workouts, cook up a storm and buss in to the wine at the earliest convenience on the weekend. And of course, the daily walks, those damn daily annoyingly transformative, mood-altering walks. The kind of week I would’ve scoffed at back in 2019/2020. I’d have probably made a joke about acting like an OAP. And yet here I am, feeling a bit sad about kissing goodbye to the slow motion life style.

It doesn’t take a genius to come to the conclusion that my attachment to this particular lockdown stems from the fact this is the longest period of consistency that we’ve experienced in a long while. And when things slowly start to open up again things become slightly hazier, and a bunch variables come in to play. How will my friends be treating the restrictions? Will I feel comfortable in a crowd again? GURL, can I afford this lifestyle (like seriously, how did we do it before)? Can you believe I’ve even been so deep in to overthinking that i’m already worried about double bookings. Do you know how ridiculous that is to cause yourself stress over something that has not happened and is likely to not happen (GURL, you are not that popular).

It’s not surprising that my fear of the unknown has worsened throughout the pandemic. When I say ‘the pandemic’ there is so much to it, it’s become a synonymous umbrella term for so much trauma that will leave a lasting effect on so many of us. ‘The pandemic’ refers to the time spent in the streets calling for racial equality as we demanded they ‘say their names’. ‘The Pandemic’ refers to seeing our government deny free food to the neediest members of our communities. ‘The Pandemic’ refers to a time when families lost loved ones and had to say their final goodbyes at a distance and grieve alone. ‘The Pandemic’ refers to a time when a young woman walking home alone was murdered by a police officer. ‘The Pandemic’ refers to our little brother’s teenage body being found in a pond miles away from his home.

We have been through the ringer over the past year. So please excuse me if i’m a little slow on the uptake when it comes to embracing change over the next few months.

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