I’ll admit, I am asking this question as someone who swore them off and said that I would only want to date strangers going forward, but it turns out, I lied! I don’t know about everyone else, but I am absolutely rubbish at online dating, it’s almost comical.
My last relationship was with someone I met through a friend and after that ended, I took a break. When I finally decided I was ready to meet someone again, all the apps were out in full swing. I already knew it wasn’t my vibe but after much convincing, I downloaded one and that lasted about a week.
Over the last few years, I’ve gone through the motions; downloaded an app and had it for a day or so before I’m reminded of why I deleted its predecessor. I remember saying to one of my friends, “I’ve figured it out, it’s not the apps… it’s me”, in response to her suggesting I download the newest app out at the time. I am now convinced that it’s not me.
Over the last two or three months I have given it (what I think is) a fair chance. With an open mind and a £200.00 wager from my cousin (don’t ask!) – I downloaded an app and goodness me, have I been reminded.
I’ve made some observations of which I’ll share a few, because I know that at least one person will relate:
- Speaking to strangers is exhausting! I know, the whole premise of “dating” is to get to know the other person, but when you’ve ‘swiped right’ because of a few prompts and a couple of cute pictures, it’s hard to know where to start without sounding cliché.
- Small talk is hard when you haven’t met a person in real life and if you don’t meet each other almost immediately for the most part, it fizzles out very quickly.
- Everyone’s profile portrays their best persona, the person they are when they are having fun and being adventurous, but this doesn’t necessarily reveal the “real” them.
- As large as these platforms may be, there ends up being really slim pickings. We are given free rein to tailor-make the person we think we want to meet which sets unrealistic expectations and this often leads to disappointment.
- Men (of other races) speaking to Black women as an experiment of sorts, and for lack of a better word “fetishism” is real. I have spoken to two people in a row who have gone on to list the nationality/heritage of all the other Black women they have dealt with before – am I just a tick box?!
All of this and so much more has brought me to the conclusion that I miss the single friend of a friend. Where did they go? If someone has one, do send them my way because I’ve had enough!
In case you’re wondering, I’m deleting the app.