Culture

What Ever Happened to the Single Friend of a Friend?

I’ll admit, I am asking this question as someone who swore them off and said that I would only want to date strangers going forward, but it turns out, I lied! I don’t know about everyone else, but I am absolutely rubbish at online dating, it’s almost comical. 

My last relationship was with someone I met through a friend and after that ended, I took a break. When I finally decided I was ready to meet someone again, all the apps were out in full swing. I already knew it wasn’t my vibe but after much convincing, I downloaded one and that lasted about a week.

Over the last few years, I’ve gone through the motions; downloaded an app and had it for a day or so before I’m reminded of why I deleted its predecessor. I remember saying to one of my friends, “I’ve figured it out, it’s not the apps… it’s me”, in response to her suggesting I download the newest app out at the time. I am now convinced that it’s not me. 

Over the last two or three months I have given it (what I think is) a fair chance. With an open mind and a £200.00 wager from my cousin (don’t ask!) – I downloaded an app and goodness me, have I been reminded. 

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I’ve made some observations of which I’ll share a few, because I know that at least one person will relate:

  1. Speaking to strangers is exhausting! I know, the whole premise of “dating” is to get to know the other person, but when you’ve ‘swiped right’ because of a few prompts and a couple of cute pictures, it’s hard to know where to start without sounding cliché.
  2. Small talk is hard when you haven’t met a person in real life and if you don’t meet each other almost immediately for the most part, it fizzles out very quickly.
  3. Everyone’s profile portrays their best persona, the person they are when they are having fun and being adventurous, but this doesn’t necessarily reveal the “real” them.
  4. As large as these platforms may be, there ends up being really slim pickings. We are given free rein to tailor-make the person we think we want to meet which sets unrealistic expectations and this often leads to disappointment.
  5. Men (of other races) speaking to Black women as an experiment of sorts, and for lack of a better word “fetishism” is real. I have spoken to two people in a row who have gone on to list the nationality/heritage of all the other Black women they have dealt with before – am I just a tick box?!
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All of this and so much more has brought me to the conclusion that I miss the single friend of a friend. Where did they go? If someone has one, do send them my way because I’ve had enough! 

In case you’re wondering, I’m deleting the app.

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